Paring Knives Are for Sissies

This “knife-skills lesson” is going to crack me up. I’m on the committee at our church responsible for fun stuff. You know, like the picnic, the greens workshop, the dinner groups…if it involves cookies or food or a large group, we probably organized it. I like the folks on my committee. This morning we’re meeting at church to prepare four different soups for 200 people for tomorrow. I’ve already cooked 5 lbs of beef and made a lot of broth…browning and boiling all of that beef really steamed up our windows.

Today, after some of us have an early and great breakfast together at the Echo, we’ll walk over to church and chop vegetables. Well, one of our number is a culinary-school graduate, and she’s sort of good at this stuff. And she’s decided to give us a “knife-skills lesson” as we prepare the vegetables. We’re to bring with us a chef’s knife and a paring knife and our cutting board. Well, let me tell you, I love knives. All kinds. I carry a pocket knife with me almost every day. Two. One in my pocket (a Case Red Bone Butterbean) and one in my backpack (a small Case Texas Toothpick). Ooops. That’s fodder for another post. Back to the kitchen knives. Yes, I have Wüstoff…German. Top notch. I love the feel of them in my hands. They have heft. They are forged of high-grade steel. I chop the hell out of stuff.

But Terri, our fine culinarian, desires that the vegetables be chopped uniformly. Oh my God, that’s when I knew I was going to have some fun with her today. Because I prefer my vegetables chopped non-uniformly. This is why I actually use a knife rather than a food processor. I like a rough cut. And when someone like me starts to mess with someone like Terri, who is always put together just so, you know, then all kinds of craziness ensues. I know this will really really bug her, too.

And I am prepared to tell her that I think paring knives are for sissies.

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Time to Sharpen those Felco Trimmers

Later today, I will prune some neighbors’ trees. Some of my park neighbors, some of my church neighbors, some of my elementary, middle, and high school neighbors, some of my arboretum neighbors. I am the official greens gatherer. It takes a bit of sneaking and some quick clipping with some good Felco trimmers and some acting nonchalant, but I get some awesome greens…hollies of all kinds and loaded with all colors of berries…bright red, dark red, black. Yes, I know what you’re thinking…don’t eat them.

Really, until I began this tradition, I didn’t know how many different types of hollies there are. And, until I discovered the arboretum-which-shall-remain-nameless, I also had no idea how many wonderful and beautiful varieties of cedars or spruces or junipers grow right under my nose. And all those sprigs look so pretty in their different colors in a wreath made from live greens.

So, I have this friend who is married to a woman and they have a bunch of their own biological kids and foster even more and adopted a couple of those, but he is also *** (life is complicated for some people)… and he used to be a florist. That’s the important part for this post. I will proceed with confidence in my wreath making, but I don’t think I’d turn out the most gorgeous wreath of all time unless my friend Don didn’t take some pity on me and my wreath each year and take my weak little efforts into his magical hands and make my wreath tremendous. I kid you not, only huge amounts of money could buy a wreath like the one he makes for our front door. He has already used an entire roll of the most gorgeous ribbon that catches the light for my bow. It’s flamboyant and stored in my garage until tomorrow when we make these wreaths.

Today is bone cold, and in two hours I will meet my team of Christmas-tree dismantlers at the Echo for breakfast. After that, we’ll walk to church and dismantle about 100 Christmas trees for tomorrow’s church-wide Greens Workshop of which I am coordinator and #1 lover of it. Then, later this afternoon, Deb and I will comb some places we should not comb for a pile of hard-to-get specimens for all these wreaths…I keep a special box of them aside, though, just for Don and me.

Tell you what…to make you happy, by Monday I’ll post some pictures of it.

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